Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
