I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Randomize