My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
How external is "for external use only"?
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
