this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
