I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
