...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Damn victory sex feels great
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
