Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
