i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I am midnight drunk by noon
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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