How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
