Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize