Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
You dont lie about slip and slides
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
