If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Someone came in the potted fern
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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