Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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