I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
