So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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