my phone needs a breathalizer
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize
