i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
