I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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