on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
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