I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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