I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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