Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize