I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
