He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize