the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
