i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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