Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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