she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
