he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
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