Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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