I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
