Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She even gives head with a lisp.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
