my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
