i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
