I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
