I can text with my tongue
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
