Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
Randomize
