I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
