Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Randomize