yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
