no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
Randomize
