i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
