I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he fucked my hip out of place.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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