White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
