sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Randomize
