wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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