he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
