I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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