Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Randomize
