I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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