Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
