Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
why is half of my head shaved?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
