halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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