If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Randomize
