She said her name was "party"
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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