I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Randomize
