I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
