im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
