do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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