I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
