Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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