she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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