He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
she pinky promised me she was 18
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
