She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
